Mask Essay
Appreciating Everyone
Society. It's like this force that tells us how to be, what to be, and who to be. People say that if they don't conform they will be implicitly or explicitly punished or told to do otherwise by media, peers, etc. That might be true, but how do you, as an individual, know if your conception of sanctions are correct if you never break the norms--of wearing make up, dressing in tight clothes, etc. You only truly know if you experience the sanctions. I am a person who has had things lay out differently in my life than others. Society has shaped and influenced how I go about life based on it's expectations of the “perfect person”. I am shy, which is something society doesn't value and have a diet that people think is unnecessary and even unhealthy, based on what they have learned about the food norms. I am also very small for my age and have been judged by my peers because of the what they have learned about being normal, and size is an aspect of this. I have a life that I believe is not always easy because left and right I am breaking norms and being told my way is wrong. But what is wrong? No one really knows. At the same time, I feel lucky because I finally realized that I have gained something some people may never gain: the understanding and ability to be there for those who have experienced sanctions for having an identity that is a little different than the norm, like me.
I've always been that quiet, tucked away girl that is a little hard to get to know. I've always watched as life moved around and through me, my eyes darting back and forth. When someone would ask me a question, I would quickly and quietly respond, unless of course, they were already close to me, entangled in my history, in the wires that connect me. I've been socialized to tip-toe around, unsure of how people view me. I know society can be critical so I feel that I should hold back to save myself from judgment. However, I was never embarrassed, just shy and even though I have a sense of why I held on so dearly to my parent's legs, never letting go, I still can't fully identify why. I am not always proud of being shy, because society values extroverts. The closed eye on my mask represents a part of this. I am sometimes hard to get to know because I feel society expects me to say things and do things as the outgoing and mainstream population does; however, as you look past my external and deeper into me, opening my eye, you can see me and every part of me, not just who society thinks I should be.
I have also been influenced to be embarrassed about my diet. I don't eat gluten which is a main ingredient in most foods. I excluded gluten from my diet based on my body's intolerance to it, the possibility that a gluten-free diet would help me grow, and the connection it may have to aggravating my hip flexer which limits me from doing sports and other highly athletic activities. I also, by choice, don't eat meat or fish. Everyone would tell me that eliminating gluten from my diet was unhealthy. I felt like I always had to defend myself and the facts I knew about my body and my diet. They knew nothing about it, but they assumed they were the experts. They would tell me that the only way I would grow or fix my hip was by eating meat. They couldn't always sympathize with my view on the killing of animals and the treatment of the animals before they were killed. I also don't like meat that much and don't feel I necessarily need it. I am always told that my doctors and my research are wrong. I don't always feel supported and I have a feeling that it is because of society's ideas of food. Throughout my life and the lives of those who don't always understand my preferences, we have seen people generally eating the food that our society has supplied us. Companies also make money off of these foods, which is another reason society tells us these are “acceptable” foods. So when I tried to go against these food norms, people responded based on what they had learned explicitly and implicitly about acceptable diets. I am not blaming them, but I have realized that they don't know otherwise.
My size is something that I also struggle with, but I haven't experienced what most girls go through. I don't feel pressured to be thin and fit that model image. However, I have been pressured to actually gain weight and be bigger in general because I am already genetically petite. Society has shown me that it is normal to be a certain weight and height. For most, it is smaller than they are, but for me it is bigger. People have told me that I need to grow. One of my friends said, “You need to gain weight, you're to small.” But what is too small? To me I look in the mirror and I see me, and average girl, until my sister or a friend walks in to straighten her hair and apply make up. Now I seem to shrink in the mirror, wondering where I went. No longer do I see me as average size. Now I see myself as too small. I finally responded to my friend by questioning “Why? Why do I have to grow and gain weight? I am not anorexic. I eat just as much as anyone else my age. I was made this way, and most importantly, I am healthy.” I finally realized that I will always be this petite person and I should be proud of it instead of hiding from it, because I always want to be me and show people who that is even if it is a little different.
In my mask, there are a lot of pieces that connect with my size. The words stuck in a box represent how I have a lot to say, but people label me as a kid and don't see me as the person I am inside. When I say these words, society interprets them as childish, tiny, and “cute” so that the true substance of what I have to say is not not valued or considered on it merits. The mirror in the pupil of the eye shows my looking glass-self. I am looking at myself from the public's eyes. I see the image of what society expects me to be or do and sometimes feel the need to be that person—outgoing, typical diet and normal size. I sometimes just want to throw in the towel and be someone else because it is easier than trying to protect my differences from judgement. Yet that is not who I am. I don't let society shape my true self.
In my mask, there are a lot of elements that also relate greatly to how I portray society's norms. The always-open doll eye shows the part of me that is always revealed. This part of me displays what society has taught me to do; wear makeup, be respectful, value education, consume, be unique but normal at the same time, and be understanding. I am also a female and have been influenced by family, peers, community, media and society at large to be feminine. The doll's eye plays on the theme of my gender identity as girls are expected to play with dolls, be gentle, nurturing, relationship-oriented, caregivers, etc.
My mask leads one around the things that define me, what I believe reflect my true essence, and the things that society has taught me to do or believe. Fate has put me in situations that have led me to do things differently from the norm. I have always been a shy person, had an unusual diet, and am very petite for my age. Even though these are small struggles in comparison to others, such as being in a socially oppressed group (minority race, gay, poor, etc.), I feel I have gained the ability to hold my ground and follow my internal compass. I also feel that I can understand those who's identities have been crafted a little differently than society rewards. Based on this understanding, I have chosen to paint my mask with different shades of blue. I did this to represent how even though my struggles may be less than others, or “lighter,” I can still understand what some target groups are going through because of our common challenges with society's norms. The commonality of challenges is represented by the common blue in each shade. Now I can unite with those who may feel ashamed about themselves and we can become stronger human beings together, sharing our experiences and changing the lives of others.
I've always been that quiet, tucked away girl that is a little hard to get to know. I've always watched as life moved around and through me, my eyes darting back and forth. When someone would ask me a question, I would quickly and quietly respond, unless of course, they were already close to me, entangled in my history, in the wires that connect me. I've been socialized to tip-toe around, unsure of how people view me. I know society can be critical so I feel that I should hold back to save myself from judgment. However, I was never embarrassed, just shy and even though I have a sense of why I held on so dearly to my parent's legs, never letting go, I still can't fully identify why. I am not always proud of being shy, because society values extroverts. The closed eye on my mask represents a part of this. I am sometimes hard to get to know because I feel society expects me to say things and do things as the outgoing and mainstream population does; however, as you look past my external and deeper into me, opening my eye, you can see me and every part of me, not just who society thinks I should be.
I have also been influenced to be embarrassed about my diet. I don't eat gluten which is a main ingredient in most foods. I excluded gluten from my diet based on my body's intolerance to it, the possibility that a gluten-free diet would help me grow, and the connection it may have to aggravating my hip flexer which limits me from doing sports and other highly athletic activities. I also, by choice, don't eat meat or fish. Everyone would tell me that eliminating gluten from my diet was unhealthy. I felt like I always had to defend myself and the facts I knew about my body and my diet. They knew nothing about it, but they assumed they were the experts. They would tell me that the only way I would grow or fix my hip was by eating meat. They couldn't always sympathize with my view on the killing of animals and the treatment of the animals before they were killed. I also don't like meat that much and don't feel I necessarily need it. I am always told that my doctors and my research are wrong. I don't always feel supported and I have a feeling that it is because of society's ideas of food. Throughout my life and the lives of those who don't always understand my preferences, we have seen people generally eating the food that our society has supplied us. Companies also make money off of these foods, which is another reason society tells us these are “acceptable” foods. So when I tried to go against these food norms, people responded based on what they had learned explicitly and implicitly about acceptable diets. I am not blaming them, but I have realized that they don't know otherwise.
My size is something that I also struggle with, but I haven't experienced what most girls go through. I don't feel pressured to be thin and fit that model image. However, I have been pressured to actually gain weight and be bigger in general because I am already genetically petite. Society has shown me that it is normal to be a certain weight and height. For most, it is smaller than they are, but for me it is bigger. People have told me that I need to grow. One of my friends said, “You need to gain weight, you're to small.” But what is too small? To me I look in the mirror and I see me, and average girl, until my sister or a friend walks in to straighten her hair and apply make up. Now I seem to shrink in the mirror, wondering where I went. No longer do I see me as average size. Now I see myself as too small. I finally responded to my friend by questioning “Why? Why do I have to grow and gain weight? I am not anorexic. I eat just as much as anyone else my age. I was made this way, and most importantly, I am healthy.” I finally realized that I will always be this petite person and I should be proud of it instead of hiding from it, because I always want to be me and show people who that is even if it is a little different.
In my mask, there are a lot of pieces that connect with my size. The words stuck in a box represent how I have a lot to say, but people label me as a kid and don't see me as the person I am inside. When I say these words, society interprets them as childish, tiny, and “cute” so that the true substance of what I have to say is not not valued or considered on it merits. The mirror in the pupil of the eye shows my looking glass-self. I am looking at myself from the public's eyes. I see the image of what society expects me to be or do and sometimes feel the need to be that person—outgoing, typical diet and normal size. I sometimes just want to throw in the towel and be someone else because it is easier than trying to protect my differences from judgement. Yet that is not who I am. I don't let society shape my true self.
In my mask, there are a lot of elements that also relate greatly to how I portray society's norms. The always-open doll eye shows the part of me that is always revealed. This part of me displays what society has taught me to do; wear makeup, be respectful, value education, consume, be unique but normal at the same time, and be understanding. I am also a female and have been influenced by family, peers, community, media and society at large to be feminine. The doll's eye plays on the theme of my gender identity as girls are expected to play with dolls, be gentle, nurturing, relationship-oriented, caregivers, etc.
My mask leads one around the things that define me, what I believe reflect my true essence, and the things that society has taught me to do or believe. Fate has put me in situations that have led me to do things differently from the norm. I have always been a shy person, had an unusual diet, and am very petite for my age. Even though these are small struggles in comparison to others, such as being in a socially oppressed group (minority race, gay, poor, etc.), I feel I have gained the ability to hold my ground and follow my internal compass. I also feel that I can understand those who's identities have been crafted a little differently than society rewards. Based on this understanding, I have chosen to paint my mask with different shades of blue. I did this to represent how even though my struggles may be less than others, or “lighter,” I can still understand what some target groups are going through because of our common challenges with society's norms. The commonality of challenges is represented by the common blue in each shade. Now I can unite with those who may feel ashamed about themselves and we can become stronger human beings together, sharing our experiences and changing the lives of others.